We have all experienced some kind of unfortunate event in our life. We made a decision at that moment that we weren’t good enough, smart enough, worthy enough. That for whatever reason, we were not lovable. That event became a defining moment in our life, placing us on the path we are now on. But does that defining moment have to continue to define who we are?What if we really looked at those defining moments and began to unlearn them? What if we began to look at ourselves as the person we know we want to be as oppose to the person we’ve had to be?
What would be different in your life? Who would you be? It’s a scary thought. We’ve lived by these defining moments for so long that the very idea of letting them go sends us running. Those defining moments that set the foundations of our ‘truths’ is all we know.
I lived in an unfortunate event for a very long time. Many of my ‘truths’ were formed during those years. Coming from an oppressive upbringing, I thought that ‘power-over’ was natural. I was always trying to please everyone, always putting everyone’s needs and wants above my own. I was self-sacrificing and happy to do it! And in return, I felt worthless. Nothing but shame, hurt, resentment and anger. When I finally decided that it was time to end this, I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I didn’t know who I was. The road to self-discovery and healing was just beginning and I was scared out of my mind. How could someone so stupid, ugly, phony and flawed be successful at anything? I was after all, useless.Instead of retreating like I typically did, I decided to get my power back. I jumped. No. Leaped! I went back to school. I attended the Assaulted Women’s and Children’s Counselling and Advocacy program at George Brown College. There I got back my power and found my passion.After I graduated with honors, I realized that maybe I wasn’t as useless as I was led to believe. I continued to learn and became a certified Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) practitioner, being the first worldwide to earn my EFTCert-II. I’m also trained in Trauma Incident Reduction (TIR), Theraplay, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I also earned my level I Trauma Counselling Certificate from the Hincks-Dellcrest Centre where I continue to learn and study trauma and resiliency.I realized something along the way. Unlearning is possible; learning cannot be stopped. More importantly, I learned that power cannot be taken. It can only be given.
Mine has certainly not been an easy journey. Letting go of the shame, anger and resentment I felt towards myself and others was very difficult. The anger was the most challenging to let go of. I regarded my anger to be my motivator. In retrospect, it was to my detriment.
I cannot change my past. No one can. It happened. However, it doesn’t have to determine my day-to-day decisions. It doesn’t have to define me. All the shame, hurt, anger and resentment can be undone. I can honestly look back on those unfortunate events, those defining moments, those ‘truths’ in my life and be emotionally free from the shame, hurt, resentments and anger. Those very events made me the skilled counselor that I am today. That is the only ‘truth’ that I’ve taken and held from my experiences. My decisions are no longer based on what others think I should do. I am worthy. I am powerful. I am profoundly lovable and perfectly flawed, as is. Just like you.
Not an easy journey, I assure you. Worth every moment.
You are worthy of experiencing this.
In the spirit of knowing that all will be well.